Hey Beautiful!

I am so grateful you are here.

What if the person who hurt you the most this week is actually hurting, too?

That doesn’t excuse what they said.  It doesn’t even make what they did okay.  But what if, instead of asking “How could they do that?” we began asking, “God, what might be happening in them and how do You want me to respond?”

Yesterday I was visiting with a beautiful friend, Michelle (names have been changed to protect the innocent and guilty).  She told me how she met Jane.  Having never met Jane, she was surprised at how quickly Jane began to tell her that another woman, Ann, told Jane not to talk to Michelle because she was on drugs.  Needless to say, Michelle was deeply hurt.  Probably because she was not on drugs, had struggled with drugs in the past, and was wondering why Ann was so mean to begin with.

In the moment, all I could say was “God loves you, and He has a plan for your life.”  Now, after having some time to process everything that happened to Michelle, I have many more thoughts around the entire event.  One of which I often wonder is: How can some people be so mean?  I’m not sure whether people are actually getting meaner, or if it is just that God has been doing a work in me and I am more alert to it (both in myself and others).

I’m still working on recovering from worrying about what others think about me.  I still struggle with it at times, but I have definitely come a long way.  I think I was listening to a podcast several years ago when I heard it said that if you worry about what others think about you, then you should probably ask God to forgive you for worshipping an idol.  I have to admit that it was definitely a slap in the face.  I had never thought about it like that before.  As I really started contemplating it, calling it idol worship made sense because I was putting what others might think about me above what God thought about me.  

“For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.”  Galatians 1:10

I am working to seek the favor and approval of God over that of man.  Another thing that stuck with me after hearing it on the subject was that if I’m wondering what people are thinking about me ~ they probably aren’t.  And if they are, it’s really none of my business.  I definitely need to remind myself of this often … it’s none of my business!

Another rule I try to follow is pausing before I say something and asking myself whether anything good will come from what I’m about to say.  If not, there’s no reason to say it.  If the women in the story above had thought about that, Ann would never have said anything to Jane, and Jane would never have said anything to Michelle.  There was no good that could come from saying Michelle was on drugs.  

I wish people would practice pausing to think before speaking and ask themselves the same question.  We never know what people are walking through in their lives.  What they are hiding from the world behind a smile.

This brings up another point.  Sometimes what looks like destructive behavior on the outside is an attempt to numb something painful on the inside.  I know that because, in my own story, alcohol became a way of escaping things I didn’t know how to face.  From that angle, even if Michelle had been on drugs, perhaps there would have been pain beneath the surface that none of us could see.

I remember referring to that same hurting/unhappiness aspect when my daughter was younger and dealing with a bully.  That the person was probably being a bully because she was hurting inside, and the best way to handle it would be to pray for her.  As I’m writing this, I can’t help but think about how different it would be if I, actually, if all of us, would pause and pray for people we know that are on drugs or being bullies, for example.  In the story above, I could pray for Ann, for whatever she is dealing with that caused her to gossip about Michelle.  I can pray for Jane that she becomes aware of how her words affect other people.  I can also pray for Michelle, that she starts to see herself as God does and that she becomes so confident in who she is in Him that the hurtful words of others are shed like water off a duck’s back.

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.  Matthew 5:44

This verse reminds me to love my enemies because God does.  Because I am a sinner and God loves me, I should love my enemies also.  When I struggle with this, I pray for God to love people through me, because I can’t do it on my own.

As I reflect on my conversation with Michelle, I’m reminded that I, too, need to remember to always give others the same grace God gives me.  To always pause before speaking and think about how my words will affect others.  Everyone has painful parts of their story that shape their actions afterward.  

People who are hurting often respond from places of brokenness.  When I remember this, it helps me to respond with grace instead of judgment.  Grace doesn’t mean what people have done is okay.  Sometimes boundaries are necessary.  But no matter what, I can respond with grace and not bitterness, with patience and kindness.

Maybe the goal isn’t to be so strong that others’ words never hurt us.  Maybe it’s about growing into the person so rooted in who God says we are that we no longer let what others say define us.  Maybe it’s about becoming more like Jesus.  Finding ourselves shifting from responses like “What’s wrong with them?” to praying for Him to help us see others the way He sees them.  Because grace isn’t about saying bad behavior is okay; it’s about recognizing the stories behind those actions, and that we are all sinful and in need of the same Savior.

Legacy Reflection

Think about someone who has hurt you with their words, actions, or inaction.  Instead of talking about how they hurt you, pray for them.  

Ask God to heal any underlying hurt they have that may have caused their actions.  

Ask God to reveal any unhealed areas in you that may have caused your reaction.  

Pray for healing for what He revealed to you.  

Love them as Jesus does, and when it’s hard, ask Him to love them through you.  

The legacy we leave behind isn’t simply about what we accomplish in our lives.  It’s also about how we love people, especially when loving them is hard.

Love ya,
Laura